The Autism Mom Coach with Lisa Candera | Lessons from Rock Bottom

Welcome to episode 100 of The Autism Mom Coach podcast! I am so excited to share this episode with all of you. As you may or may not know, this last year has had plenty of challenges and rock-bottom moments, but I have managed to stay consistent with the podcast and for that I really want to thank you for tuning in each week.

This week, I explore a topic that I know so many of you have experienced: being at rock bottom. When you are full of fear, dread, and feel like you’re barely getting through, that is rock bottom and I have been there myself. However, I believe that rock bottom has a bad rap, and I’m going to tell you why.

Tune in to this episode to hear why being at rock bottom is an opportunity, and how to see it as such. I share what I’ve learned about rock bottom, how I was able to evaluate some of the darkest times in my life to find a way forward, and how you can too.


Join me in tonight’s webinar, Lessons from Rock Bottom: 5 Steps for Turning Setbacks into Success! Learn how to navigate challenges, learn from setbacks, and grow your resourcefulness as an Autism Parent. All you have to do is click here to register. I hope to see you there!



What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Where the worst place to be really is (hint: it’s not rock bottom).
  • How rock bottom is actually an opportunity.
  • How to evaluate what went right and wrong to forge a positive path forward.


Listen to the Full Episode:



Featured on the Show:

  • If you’re ready to apply the principles you’re learning in these episodes, it’s time to schedule a consultation call with me. Real change comes from application and implementation, and this is exactly what we do in my one-on-one program. To schedule your consultation, click here!
  • Sign up for my email list to get notified of coaching opportunities, workshops and more! All you have to do is go to my home page and enter your email address in the pop-up.
  • Schedule a consultation to learn about my 1:1 coaching program.
  • Download 7 Truths Every Autism Mom Needs to Know


Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to The Autism Mom Coach podcast, I am your host, Lisa Candera. I am a lawyer, a life coach, and most importantly, I am the full-time single mother of a teenager with Autism and other comorbid diagnoses. I know what it is like to wonder if you are doing enough or the right things for your child and to live in fear of their future.

I also know that constantly fueling yourself with fear and anxiety is not sustainable for you or of any benefit to your child. That is why in this podcast I will share practical strategies and tools you can use to shift from a chronic state of fight, flight to some calm and ease. You are your child’s greatest resource, let’s take care of you.

Hello everyone and welcome to episode 100 of the podcast. I am so excited to be here. I’m so excited to say 100. It just feels like a big deal and it has been for me to get this podcast out every week for the last two years. There has been a lot going on in my personal life with my son but I have managed to stay consistent with the podcast and for that I really want to thank you, all of the listeners. It has been your reviews, your emails to me, your messages on social media telling me how helpful the podcast is to you, how much you appreciate the topics that I talk about.

And how you feel seen and heard in what I share. I am so glad for all of that and it really has fueled me to keep going and to keep delivering content week after week. And I want to thank you for that. All of your messages remind me every day that no matter how shitty I feel about my own personal experiences, that I can use these experiences and the lessons that I have learned to help other people and that means so much to me.

With that said, let’s talk about lessons from rock bottom. It is the topic of today’s podcast episode. And it is also the title of tonight’s webinar. If you haven’t registered already there is still time. Go to the show notes and the link for registration will be right there for you. And please, feel free to share that link with anyone you know who might benefit from the webinar. The webinar is tonight from 7:00pm to 9:00pm Eastern. It’s going to consist of roughly one hour of my presentation followed by open Q&A and coaching. So you can come, get your questions answered on this call and possibly coached.

Now, lessons from rock bottom might sound like a downer but I promise you it’s not. This webinar is not going to be filled with woe is me or the chronicles of despair from the last year, just the opposite. I am going to provide you, some context for the lessons, but I’m going to teach you a process that you can use no matter what you’re dealing with to draw out the good, to draw out the lessons that you want to take forward with you. So that you can build confidence in your ability to weather any storm.

What I have come to learn and what I have embraced is that rock bottom, it’s got a bad rap. In my opinion, it’s not the worst place to be. The worst place to be is where we usually find ourselves and all of the dread and all of the fear and all of the catastrophizing. The great thing about being at rock bottom, the thing you were afraid of, it happened and now what? And that is really a place of power.

I want to show you that instead of dreading and fearing certain things happening or not happening, that you can actually use all of the lessons from any setback, from any fail, from any regression to move you forward. I know there’s a quote out there that says something about the only place to go from rock bottom is up.

And when I was looking that quote up, I actually found a quote that I love so much more and this is by JK Rowling. She is the woman who wrote the Harry Potter books. And her quote is, “I was set free because my greatest fear had already been realized and I was still alive. And I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

I love this quote so much and this is how I want to think about rock bottom or any setback or any misstep or any regression, that it can become the solid foundation from which you build, from which you grow. And I want to show you how to do that because I think rock bottom is an opportunity that most of us waste away. This is because we spend our time either fearing, dreading or avoiding the circumstance that we don’t want to happen, or reacting to it, just getting through it and surviving it, rinse and repeat.

But when we’re operating in just these two modes, we’re not learning. We’re not taking the time to examine what went well and what didn’t go well. We are either avoiding and dreading or getting through it. This is why, in this evening’s webinar, I want to teach you a process that you can use to learn from your struggles and your challenges. That’s why in this evening’s webinar, I’m going to teach you a process that you can use to learn from your struggles and move forward even stronger.

Now, as the backdrop for these teachings, I am going to use some of my experiences in the last year with my son. As many of you know, my son is 16 years old. He has severe Autism and OCD and he’s had a lot of mental health struggles this year. Maybe your child is two, maybe they are 16 and they are doing just fine. It really doesn’t matter, the lessons that I am going to teach you are not specific to the particular circumstances that I have encountered.

I am only using them as a way of showing you how I was able to evaluate even some of the darkest times in my life to figure out a way forward. And so the message here is maybe you aren’t dealing with things this extreme. Maybe you will never deal with any of the things that I talk about tonight, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t learn the lessons that I am going to teach from the examples that I provide tonight.

So again, I want you to be focused on the lesson and the learnings and not the particular circumstances of my life because maybe they don’t apply to you at all, but that doesn’t matter. The broad strokes of the things that we all experience, the fear that we’re not doing enough, the fear that we made the wrong decisions, second guessing ourselves, making really difficult decisions. These are the themes that run through all of our lives, and so you can use these examples and you can use the lessons for yourself.

The evaluation process that I’m going to teach you in tonight’s webinar, you can use for any situation, big or small. It could be a meltdown in Target. It could be a school expulsion. It could be a contentious IEP meeting. It could be an annoying conversation with your mother-in-law, your neighbor or your best friend who’s asking you what you believe to be a ridiculous question about Autism.

This exercise will not only invite you to identify what did not go well, and let’s face it, you pretty much have that memorized. We don’t have any problem remembering what didn’t go well. But this exercise is going to challenge you to identify what did go well. And this is a real challenge. I do this with my clients all of the time and it is like pulling teeth to get them to really see and identify the things that have gone well. Our brains are not designed to do this. We operate from a negativity bias.

We are hypervigilant looking for the things that didn’t go well, the things that we think we could have done better and we miss so many lessons. So the most challenging part of the exercise that I am going to teach you is to train your brain to find the good, to find the positive because this is the path forward. This is how you learn and you grow and this is how you build your own solid foundation.

So again, tonight, lessons from rock bottom, I hope to see you there. I will be teaching for an hour, answering questions and there will be open coaching. So if you have an issue that you want to get coached on, tonight is the night to do it. Alright, thank you so much for listening and I hope to see you this evening.

Thanks for listening to The Autism Mom Coach. If you are ready to apply the principles you are learning in these episodes to your life, it is time to schedule a consultation call with me. Podcasts are great but the ahas are fleeting. Real change comes from application and implementation and this is exactly what we do in my one-on-one coaching program. To schedule your consultation, go to my website,, Work With Me and take the first step to taking better care of yourself so that you can show up as the parent you want to be for your child with Autism.


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