When a public announcement blamed an uptick in autism on mothers taking Tylenol during pregnancy and told them to “tough it out,” Lisa had thoughts. In this episode of The Autism Mom Coach, she shares an honest, frustrated response—not to debate the science, but to name how messages like this land on mothers who are already carrying an enormous weight of blame, shame, and guilt. She traces the long history of mother-blaming in autism, from the discredited “refrigerator mother” theory to the questions on every intake form, and offers a clear counter-message: your child’s autism is not your fault.
In this episode you will learn:
- Why “tough it out” messaging is so insulting to mothers who are already toughing out complex needs, dismissive providers, and under-resourced schools every single day.
- How blaming mothers for a child’s disability is a long-standing pattern—from the “refrigerator mother” theory to pregnancy-focused intake questions—that quietly teaches moms to hold themselves responsible.
- Why guilt and self-blame run on emotion rather than logic, and how to make the deliberate decision to have your own back instead of turning this news against yourself.
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Transcript
You are listening to episode 179 of the Autism Mom, coach Tylenol and toughing it out for autism Moms trigger alert if you’ve had it with the news. If this is the last thing that you need to hear right now, don’t listen. You can listen to it later if you don’t care to hear anything that you deem political on a podcast by an autism mom.
Should probably stop listening, but for the rest of you, I’m just going to share my thoughts On Monday’s announcement. We have the reason for the uptick in autism being mothers who took Tylenol during their pregnancy, and the recommendation for mothers to tough it out, to fight like hell not to take this medication that they have decided.
Causes autism, nevermind the fact that autism’s been around decades before Tylenol was Not to mention that there are tons of women who have never taken Tylenol, who have autistic children, and vice versa. All of that aside, I will never unhear. I will never unhear the words. Tough it up for mothers raising children with autism.
It is so insulting because that is the nature of what we do every single day. Parenting a child with autism is it’s toughing it out in every single area of your life and trying to hold all of them together at once. You have a child who has complex diagnosis, many needs that you are trying to balance at any given time, while you’re trying to work, while you’re trying to raise your family.
And by the way, while you’re being gaslit by doctors who. Don’t believe you or who think you’re being overdramatic, you’re not getting what you need from the school districts because they don’t have the resources, but they’re giving you another line of bullshit. You’re dealing with all of this all the time.
Blaming mothers for a child’s disability and struggles is nothing new. We used to have what we called the refrigerator mom, and I really struggled to say theory behind that because basically it was just this idea that autism came from mothers who were cold and aloof. No misogyny or stereotypes going on there?
No, not at all. That theory has been debunked, but we live with it. We still live with that theory. How many of you have feared. Being questioned, being viewed as that cold mother. Maybe that’s why that kid is like that. Maybe it’s because his mother, maybe it’s because she’s too career oriented. Maybe it’s because she has too many other kids and she’s focused on them, and maybe these thoughts and beliefs and expectations aren’t blatant.
It’s because they don’t have to be. When something has been baked into our culture, into our expectations for years, it’s just part of how we think and how we expect things. There always seems to be a way to whip it around to the mom. Do you remember the last. Application or form that you filled out when they asked you about your pregnancy, whether or not you had a C-section, trying to tease out what happened during your pregnancy, what didn’t happen during your pregnancy to understand the presentation of your child.
Almost every mother I’ve. Ever worked with in my five years of coaching, mothers believes that she is responsible for her child’s autism. Maybe it’s where she worked, what she ate, or the vaccines that she did or did not provide for her child based on recommendations by doctors. They all have the belief that they caused this and this.
This just supports the idea and now listen. Let’s just say that Tylenol is actually the cause for autism, for argument’s sake. Let’s just say 100%. There is a way of talking about that doesn’t shame or blame the moms, and that’s never what we’re hearing. We’re never hearing, Hey, we, the medical profession, the government, the FDA, we made a mistake.
And because of our mistake, our oversight, our ignorance, you took a medication that has caused harm to your child and we are taking responsibility for that. No, that’s not what we’re hearing. We’re hearing moms tough it out, fight like hell, and the message is you did something or didn’t do something, and that created a harm for your child.
This was preventable. It was preventable by you. Now listen, you might be listening to this and being like, well, there’s flaws in your logic. Yeah, you’re right. But guess what? I’ve never talked to an autism mom whose logic. Was great when it came to blaming herself for her child’s autism. When you are in a fight flight, fear state logic isn’t in control.
But what is in control is your emotions and that emotion of blame, shame, and guilt for autism moms is already so high and this just adds fuel to the fire. So here’s what I want to say. Your child’s autism is not your fault. You are not to blame for autism. If you’re mad, if you’re frustrated, I totally get it.
So am I. And while that madness or the aggravation or the annoyance, it’ll last a couple days, it will go away. The lingering impact of. Maybe it was the Tylenol, or it could have been the Tylenol, or everyone else thinks it’s the Tylenol, or now I have to explain to the people in my life that I did or didn’t take the Tylenol and why I did it.
Did I have a good enough reason? Those things are going to linger, and this is where I encourage all of you to make the decision that you are going to have your own back, that you are not going to turn this on yourself, and that you are going to remind yourself that autism is not your fault. That’s it for this week.
For all of you who are feeling frustrated, maybe alone, maybe just tired of toughing it out all on your own. I am inviting all of you to a free call with me. This is going to be an open coaching call where you can come to the call, you can ask me for coaching on a particular issue that you’re having, or you can just share how you’re feeling and be in community with other moms.
I really don’t have an agenda for this call, but I do want to create a space for folks to be able to come together in a safe way and to express however they are feeling in the moment. And for you to get the support that you need. So in order to get the invitation to this open call, go to the show notes, join my email list.
Once you are on my email list, I will send you an email and you will get the link. I will stay on this call for as long as folks are around and want to chat or want to get coached. All you need to do is get on my email list. You can do that right now by going to the show notes. Thank you everyone for being here.
I appreciate you and have a great day. Thanks for listening to the Autism Mom Coach. If you are ready to apply the principles you are learning in these episodes to your life, it is time to schedule a consultation call with me. Podcasts are great, but the ahas are fleeting. Real change comes from application and implementation, and this is exactly what we do in my one-on-one coaching program.
To schedule your consultation, go to my website, the autism mom coach.com, work with me and take the first step to taking better care of yourself so that you can show up as the parent you want to be for your child with autism.
