If youve ever experienced autism parenting struggles, you know the fear of becoming that family.
For weeks, I had been illegally parking in the fire zone just to walk my son, Ben, into schoolbecause it was the only way hed go in.
Then we finally found a solution: his 1:1 aide started meeting us at the car in the drop-off line.
This gave him a sense of independence, and I could finally get to work on time.
It was workinguntil the morning it wasnt.
The Morning Everything Fell Apart
That day, we pulled up as usual, but Bens aide wasnt there.
A parent volunteer opened the back door to help him out, and before they could react, Ben slammed it shutrefusing to move.
The morning routine turned into a public meltdown.
I tried everything:
- Encouraging him to step out
- Reassuring him that his aide would be right there
- Opening the back door myself and gently guiding him out
Nothing worked.
Instead, he flinched, yelled, and refused to leave his seat.
And there we were, in full view of the entire school community:
- That family holding up the drop-off line
- That kid who was “too old for this”
- That mom who had lost all control
It took two minutes for Bens aide to arrive and calm him down.
But those two minutes felt like forever.
The Breaking Point: When Autism Parenting Struggles Overwhelm You
I made it out of the school lot. I even made it to my car.
But I didnt make it to work on time that day.
Not because I missed the train, but because I couldnt hold it together anymore.
For weeks, I had been pushing down my emotions, telling myself to just keep going.
But that morning, the weight of it all finally caught up with me.
I pulled over and had a long, hard cry.
It wasnt just about that morning.
It was about all the mornings of white-knuckling the drive to school.
It was about feeling helpless and inadequate.
It was about being constantly aware of the stares and judgment.
And after letting it all out, I felt lighter.
Owning That You Are THAT Family
For so long, I had been afraid of being that family.
But in that moment, I realized something important:
We ARE That Family.
And thats not a bad thing.
- We are the family that keeps learning, adapting, and showing up.
- We are the family with a child who works harder than most just to do things that come effortlessly to other kids.
- We are the family with a parent who refuses to give up.
We are that family, and we are also so much more.
Why Autism Moms Fear Being That Family
So many of us worry about what other people think when our child struggles in public.
- We dont want to be the ones holding up the line.
- We dont want to be the ones causing a scene.
- We dont want to be the ones whose child is too old to be melting down.
But heres the truth:
- You are not failing as a parent because your child struggles.
- You are not weak because you have hard days.
- You are not alone in feeling overwhelmed.
How to Be That Family, without the Shame
If youve ever felt ashamed of being that family, heres how to shift your mindset:
1. Acknowledge That Some Days Are Hard
Some days will test your patience and strength. Instead of ignoring those feelings, allow yourself to acknowledge them.
Denying emotions doesnt make them disappearit just makes them harder to process later.
2. Stop Apologizing for Your Childs Autism
Your child is not a problem to be fixed.
Their struggles are real, and their needs are valid.
You are not responsible for making others comfortable with your childs autism.
3. Reframe the Narrative
Instead of thinking:
- “Were always the ones causing problems.”
- “I wish people wouldnt stare at us.”
- “Why cant things just be normal?”
Try thinking:
- “We are doing the best we can, and thats enough.”
- “I am my childs best advocate, no matter what others think.”
- “We are not the problemlack of understanding is.”
4. Find Support from Other Autism Moms
Surround yourself with other autism moms who get it.
People who wont judge when you vent about another public meltdown.
People who will lift you up instead of making you feel like you need to be doing more.
You Are Doing an Amazing Job
If youve ever felt ashamed, exhausted, or overwhelmed, remember this:
- You are showing up.
- You are doing the work.
- You are exactly the parent your child needs.
You are that familythe one that keeps going, no matter what.
And that is something to be proud of.
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