Summer with an autistic child can feel like a tug of war. On one hand you may be relieved to know that no one from school will be calling you for the next several weeks! On the other hand, it’s summer: 12 weeks of being the the teacher, therapist, chef, bus driver, and cruise director with little to no additional support.
As a single, full-time working mother, I dreaded the summer. To me, my favorite time of the year became a complex schedule of Extended School Year (ESY) programs, local camps, sitters, therapies, and co-parenting logistics planned down to the hour!
The Best-Laid Plans for Summer Come Crashing Down
After a few years, I thought I had it figured out. I hired a young, energetic special ed teacher as Bens summer sitter. She handled drop-offs and pickups for ESY, took him to the pool, and worked with my schedule. Finally, it felt like I had a summer plan for my autistic child that might actually hold.
I was feeling good.
Until I wasnt.
About three weeks into summer, she called out sick. No big dealI worked from home, rearranged my schedule, and managed. Then, a few days later, I opened a letter from the New Jersey Department of Childrens Services.
My hands were shaking.
Was this about my recent custody transition? My vindictive ex?
But, the letter gave no detailsjust that a caseworker would visit the next day. When he arrived, he toured my home, spoke privately with Ben, and even checked inside my refrigerator. Ben, thankfully, had no idea what was going on. So when the nice young man asked him how he was doing, Ben didn’t hold back.
Well! I have a big decision to make. Im turning ten in September, and I need to decide if Im going to have a big party with friends where I wont get any good gifts, or if I should just get a big gift from Mom. #onlychildproblems
After confirming Ben was more than fine, the caseworker began asking me if I had any idea why he was there.
At first, I guessed my ex-husband.
Nope.
Oh crap! Then who? Were we being too loud for the neighbors? Were they mad that our new kitten was a mass murderer of rodents and low flying birds?
Then, the case worker allowed me to read the report:
“Mom has vials of marijuana in the home. I saw one sitting on the living room floor.”
Wait, what?
Heres the truth: As boring as it sounds, Ive never smoked weed in my life, much less leave vials of drugs around my house! But as soon as I read the report, I knew exactly what it had happened.
As in the game of CLUE: It was the sitter. In the living room. With the catnip.
Yes, thats right. I had just adopted a kitten (the mass murderer), and Id bought it toys with little tubes of catnip attached. Somehow, the twenty-something sitter mistook catnip for marijuana and reported me. How? Why? Instead of simply asking or taking it.
This shook me.
I had done nothing wrong, and yet this person put me in a position of being investigated.
In the end, the caseworker laughed, closed the report, and left.
But I was floored.
The sitter I had trustedmy carefully constructed summer planshattered in an instant.
Time to Pivot
After firing the sitter and wallowing in some self pity, I figured it out.
I had no other choice.
So, I canceled rescheduled work trips, shuffled schedules, and took vacation days. When there was no other option, I packed a bag, promised Ben a train ride into Philadelphia, and brought him with me to my office in Philadelphia.
It wasnt seamless or easy, but it worked.
And honestly, we found moments of joy in it. In fact, some of my favorite memories with Ben are from that summer: riding the train into the city with him, sharing lunches with friends, and letting him decorate my office’s whiteboard.
We made it through, and we were stronger and closer because of it. And we have lifelong memories and laughs about the sitter.
Heres what I want you to know:
Summer with an autistic child isnt about chasing an ideal or holding it all together perfectly. Its about navigating unpredictability while holding on to connection. Its about making room for moments that are funny, frustrating, and unexpectedly sweetall in the same day.
When everything fell apart, I realized it wasnt about perfect planningit was about presence. Some days ended in frustrated exhaustion; others with train rides and belly laughs. And most days were somewhere in between.
You dont need to search for silver linings. You dont need to turn it into a life lesson. Just know that its okay for it to be hard and messyand for you to find connection and love amid the unpredictability.
Strategies for Summer with an Autistic Child
Below are some simple, realistic strategies to help you create a summer that feels manageable and enjoyable for everyone.
Expect the Plan to Blow UpBuild in Oh Sh*t Buffers
No matter how early you plan, expect plans to collapse. Camps will overbook or cancel. Sitters might flake. Therapy sessions will be rescheduled at the worst possible time. Instead of clinging to a rigid schedule, build in buffer timehours or even full days when you have nothing scheduled. These gaps give you space to regroup without the pressure of scrambling to fill every minute. Keep a mental (or actual) list of fallback options: a trusted neighbor, a local drop-in childcare, or even a screen-time-filled afternoon. Planning to be flexible is the only way to stay sane.
Create Your Simple Summer Bucket List (SSBL)
Despite what you’ve seen on Pinterest, summer doesnt have to be packed with elaborate plans. Heres a simple bucket list that covers a little bit for everyoneyour child, yourself, and the whole family.
For your child, think small but fun. Try a visit to the pool or a new playground, run through a sprinkler or splash pad, or set up a backyard water day with bubbles and water balloons. Even a new craft or a play date with a friend can feel exciting and special.
For yourself, carve out little moments just for you. Enjoy a cup of coffee outside in the morning, read a chapter of a book, or take a solo walk around the block or at a nearby trail. Meet a friend for lunch or coffee to reconnect. If youre feeling adventurous, try something new just for youwhether its a hobby, a fitness class, or simply taking a few minutes to rest.
For the family, plan easy, low-pressure outings. Take a day trip to a nearby town or local attraction, or keep it simple with a backyard picnic or movie night.
Say Thats Not Happening Today Without Guilt
Some days, the energy to get through an outing or appointment just isnt there. And thats okay. Give yourself permission to cancel plans, leave early, or scrap an entire days agenda if it means protecting your childs (and your) regulation. You dont owe anyone explanations. The only obligation is to your familys well-being.
Find a Quick Reset Button
When everything feels like its spiralingwhen your child is on the verge of a meltdown, when the sitter cancels, when work deadlines loomdont just push through. Step away. Even a five-minute reset can shift your perspective. Stand outside and take deep breaths. Drink a glass of water. Call a friend who gets it, not to solve the problem, but just to hear you. Keep a list of reset triggers that work for you: a short walk, loud music, or even locking yourself in the bathroom for a minute to breathe. Its not selfishits essential.
Find Connection Through Shared MomentsEven the Ridiculous Ones
When everything feels like a mess, the moments of connectionespecially the ridiculous onesare what last. Like the time the sitter reported me for having marijuana in the house, only for it to turn out to be catnip. Or the way Ben, when asked about the caseworkers visit, launched into an elaborate debate about whether he should have a big party with friends or just one big gift for his birthday. These are the stories we still laugh about today. Theyre not the kind of moments youd plan for, but theyre the ones that remind you: youre in this together.
Final Thought of Summer with an Autistic Child
At the end of that summer, I realized it wasnt about creating the perfect plan or avoiding every misstep. It was about navigating the unexpected with a mix of patience, humor, and resilience. It was about building connection through shared storiesthe ridiculous ones we still laugh aboutand making it through with enough presence to catch the moments that mattered.
If youre in the thick of it, wondering how youll make it through another day, remember this: its not about getting it rightits about staying in it, showing up, and finding connection wherever you can. Even when its messy. Even when it feels like too much. Youre doing more than enough.
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