The Autism Mom Coach with Lisa Candera | Subscribe, Unsubscribe

When we’re using social media, we subscribe to things we want to see and experience, and we unsubscribe, mute, or unfollow the people, places, and things that we don’t want to see. Online, we have a lot of power to decide what comes into our consciousness, but can you have the same control in every area of your life?

I have clients come to calls feeling bummed out because of what they’re seeing other people posting on Instagram or Facebook, whether that’s perfect family Holiday pictures or taking the vacations they wish they could take with their kids. It’s time to start deciding whether the things you’re letting into your life are filling you up, or whether they’re draining you and taking you down.

Tune in this week to discover how to start being more discerning about what you let into your field of vision. I’m sharing how your brain reacts to social media, why it makes you feel good one minute and terrible the next, and most importantly, you’ll learn how to be ruthless in curating not only your social media experience, but your experience of real life too.

 

 

If you’re ready to apply the principles you’re learning in these episodes, it’s time to schedule a consultation call with me. Real change comes from application and implementation, and this is exactly what we do in my one-on-one program. To schedule your consultation, click here! 

 

 

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why you always get to decide on the amount and type of content you consume.
  • How social media keeps us coming back over and over again.
  • Some advice to stop letting social media negatively influence your mood.
  • How to apply the principles of subscribe, unsubscribe in your real daily life.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to episode 93 of The Autism Mom Coach, Subscribe, Unsubscribe.

Welcome to The Autism Mom Coach podcast, I am your host, Lisa Candera. I am a lawyer, a life coach, and most importantly, I am the full-time single mother of a teenager with Autism and other comorbid diagnoses. I know what it is like to wonder if you are doing enough or the right things for your child and to live in fear of their future.

I also know that constantly fueling yourself with fear and anxiety is not sustainable for you or of any benefit to your child. That is why in this podcast I will share practical strategies and tools you can use to shift from a chronic state of fight, flight to some calm and ease. You are your child’s greatest resource, let’s take care of you.

Hello everyone and welcome to today’s episode of the podcast. I am so glad you’re here and I hope you are doing well. Right now I am batch recording the episodes that will air in December. And I am making them short and sweet because I know that you are super busy. So this is going to be a really short and sweet episode. And I’m going to be using a concept that we are all so familiar with from social media, from YouTube, from Facebook, you name it, subscribe, unsubscribe or follow, unfollow, mute, unfriend, block, however you want to think about these terms.

We in general, in our emails, on social media, we subscribe to things that we want to see and experience. And we unsubscribe or mute or unfollow the people, places and things that we don’t want to see. And on social media and in our email boxes, we have a lot of power to decide what comes into our field of vision by using this button. I think this is really important because I am of the view that less is more.

And sometimes when we’re being bombarded with information from every which way, it just becomes overwhelming and we don’t need more overwhelm in our lives. And I regularly coach my clients on this. Especially with social media, I have a lot of clients that will come to the calls and they will feel bummed out because of what they’re seeing other people posting on Instagram or Facebook.

It could be all the perfect family pictures for Christmas or it could be of other families doing activities that my clients aren’t doing with their children, any number of things. But their overall effect is they’re just bummed out. And so to this I say, you get to decide first whether you’re on social media, second, how long you’re on it and third, what you let into your field of vision. You do not have to look at all of the posts that come up. You can mute people. You can unfriend people. You can limit the time that you spend on social media.

And I think that this is a really important skill, because I mean, look, first of all, social media is like a video game to our kids. It gives us regular dopamine hits. And we get lulled into that scrolling. And before we know it, we are down a rabbit hole, we’re feeling like crap. We’re comparing ourselves to everyone and everything else that we believe is better than us. And what does that leave us to do? Just go about the rest of our lives feeling crappy. That’s no good.

So whenever possible on social media, you are the curator of your experience so be intentional about it. What do you want to see? What don’t you want to see? Now, for example, a couple of years ago when I wanted to learn more about OCD, I joined an OCD parenting group online. And I went into that group and I asked a couple of very specific questions. People answered my questions. I got a couple of contact numbers from folks that I did get in touch with about treatments. Now, that can be helpful in some ways, but for me it reached the point of diminishing returns.

I was already well aware that other people had this experience and it wasn’t helpful for me to keep seeing it over and over again. So I decided to mute it. This is not an affront to this page, it was very helpful to me. But in this moment where I am right now, it’s not helpful to me to be reading these things. There are lots of Autism Facebook groups about teens with Autism. I’m not in them. I have gone into these groups here and there for information that I’ve searched out and I’ve gotten out because Facebook groups, now, of course they are not all made alike.

Some are monitored very well. They have administrators that are on top of things, but others are like the Wild West. And again, I just don’t want to put myself in a position of consuming information from people I don’t know. I don’t know their background. I don’t know their points of view and it overall doesn’t help me. And so I encourage all of you to be rigorous, to be ruthless in how you curate your social media experience because it does impact your mental health.

Now, I want to stretch this analogy from social media to real life and how can you apply these principles of subscribe, unsubscribe, mute, unfollow, block, delete? How can you apply these in real life in ways that benefit you? So I think that we can do this. Now, of course, I’m not saying that you are now going to start deleting people out of your life, nothing like that.

But I think that you can take a close look at the people, places, things, the activities, the conversations that you are participating in and whether or not they are filling you up. Whether they are serving you or whether they are draining you and taking you down. And then wherever, whenever you can, you want to add things that fill you up and you want to subtract things that don’t. It’s a real simple formula, but it’s not one I think that we actually practice in real life.

I think that we so often put ourselves in situations where we’re dealing with people or we’re dealing with conversations or experiences where we don’t even want to be there but we feel like we have to. We’re people pleasing, we’re not setting a boundary. And so then we’re in a situation where it’s not serving us. It’s draining us and let’s not do that. Whenever you can, let’s cut that out and let’s add things in that bring you joy. This is how you can get to take control of your experience.

You can’t control the world, you can’t control other people, but you can control how you show up and what you show up for. So take an inventory of how you spend your time and start deciding, what can I add and what could I subtract? For example, I limit my social media to business only. I find that when I am mindlessly scrolling through the feeds, it just takes me down too many rabbit holes and it doesn’t serve me. And so for the most part, I am on there in the groups that I’m in, I take a look, I participate in those groups. I post my business post and then I’m out.

On the other hand, I have noticed that I do benefit from being around people during the day. For the last three years I basically have been working at home the entire time. But as of September, I’ve been going back into the office a couple of days a week. And I have realized that that has boosted my mood.

And so even when I’m home on the days that I do work from home, I will take a break for a few minutes each day and I will go to the local coffee shop just to stop in, say hello to the owner. I’ll get my cup of coffee. I curate a little library at this coffee shop. And so I’ll just take a look at the books. I’ll do some rearranging, just little things like that. I’m talking to the people there and I’m around other people. It’s a really vibrant atmosphere. It just feels good in there and that just gives me a boost. And so that adds just a little bit more joy to my life and so I do it, that matters.

It matters that you’re doing the little things, anything to add joy to your life, to your experience. I have also noticed that exercising helps my mood. So I am resubscribing to exercise which I have not been the best about in the past couple of months, but I’m resubscribing. And at least 20 minutes a day, I’m going to do some sort of strength training exercise. I’m going to try to walk, just get my body moving so I feel better.

Another example of unsubscribing. So whatever the status is with my son, it’s always a long story. It’s not a story I always want to tell because usually I am going through details with numerous service providers, the insurance company, the advocate, and on and on. And so when my friends ask me about my son, I give them really short answers and I’ll say something like, “Thank you for asking. He’s fine and you just don’t really want to get into the details.” And that is not an affront to them.

It’s not because I don’t want to talk to them. It’s just because telling the story over and over can be draining to me. And so that’s just a decision that I’m making for my own wellness. That when people ask me if I don’t have it in me to share, I’m not.

And then finally I’m just going to give you an unsubscribe or maybe a mute from one of my clients. So this client has a child that has a lot of sensory issues, especially when he goes out in public. And so going out to dinner or lunch, breakfast at places can be challenging. So recently they went out to breakfast with my client’s family and it just happened to be that there was a bridal shower or a brunch or something else at that restaurant. And so instead of being usually quiet, it was very, very loud and the child was very upset and distracted.

And my client made the decision that they were going to have to leave sooner than they probably would have. And despite all of the explaining, all of that she’s tried to do to educate her parents, she still got a few comments from her father that she just did not appreciate, that he was really basically just thinking her son was being difficult and he should be made to stay. And that kind of back in my day, we didn’t have all this sort of thing.

And so my client decided to unsubscribe to going out to dinner or to lunch or breakfast or restaurants with her parents for at least the time being. And she also told her father that she wasn’t okay with him making those kinds of comments. And so that’s just another way of unsubscribing to a conversation. I don’t appreciate when you say things like that. I have tried to explain to you many times. And you don’t even have to do this. You don’t even have to tell the person.

You can decide for yourself that you are not going to be in situations like this, and when this happens, that you are going to set a boundary. You are going to unsubscribe. You are going to leave. You are not going to explain yourself. But you get to decide when you’re in situations where it’s just draining you of energy, you get to decide.

And so that’s what I want you to practice. Taking a look at the people, places, things, the experiences, the activities of your daily life and looking for places where you can subscribe to the people, places, things, activities that bring you joy and that fill you up. And where you can unsubscribe or at least mute some of the people, places and experiences that are not serving you.

Alright, that is it for today. I hope this was helpful and I will talk to you next week. 

Thanks for listening to The Autism Mom Coach. If you are ready to apply the principles you are learning in these episodes to your life, it is time to schedule a consultation call with me. Podcasts are great but the ahas are fleeting. Real change comes from application and implementation and this is exactly what we do in my one-on-one coaching program. To schedule your consultation, go to my website, theautismmomcoach.com, Work With Me and take the first step to taking better care of yourself so that you can show up as the parent you want to be for your child with Autism.

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