Most films about autism make autism parents brace for the worst—the lovable savant, the tidy bow at the end. In this episode of The Autism Mom Coach, Lisa talks with filmmaker Tyler Sansom and actor John Wells about Learning You, a film that refuses those clichés. It follows a single father and his autistic son on a Christmas road trip after the dad removes him from the institution where he lives. Tyler shares how interviews with roughly 100 families shaped the script, and John—an autism dad himself—opens up about the parallels between his own son and the boy he plays, making for a conversation about being truly seen as a caregiver.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why authentic representation matters so much to autism families, and how the filmmakers avoided the usual tropes by bringing autistic cast and crew and dozens of real families into the process.
- How learning to read your child’s subtle cues—catching the shift from “yellow” to “red” before a meltdown—can be more powerful than trying to manage a crisis once it’s already happening.
- Why John’s reframe, shifting from how hard a moment is for the caregiver to what the child is experiencing internally, can help you become the calm in your child’s chaos.
About the guests: Tyler Sansom is the creator and director of Learning You, an independent film about a father and his autistic son. John Wells is the film’s lead actor and an autism dad whose lived experience informed his performance. The filmmakers are donating 100% of the film’s profits to ACT (Awareness, Connection, and Touch), an organization they founded to support autism parents and caregivers through respite care, community, and events.
Resources mentioned:
Related episodes:
Being on Display: What Real Autism Acceptance Looks Like (Ep #141)
Being Your Child’s Safe Person with Dr. Taylor Day (Ep #192)
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TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to the Autism Mom Coach podcast. I am your host, Lisa Candara. I am a lawyer, a life coach, and most importantly, I am the full-time single mother of a teenager with autism. In this podcast, I am going to share with you the tools and strategies you need so you can fight like hell for your child without burning out.
Let’s get to it. Hello everyone, and welcome to the podcast. I am so excited to bring you my conversation with Tyler Sansom and John Wells, the creator and lead actor respectively of the newly released film, Learning You. Learning You follows a single father and his autistic son on a Christmas road trip after what I’ll call a soft kidnapping from the institution where he lives.
And that is all I’m going to say for this intro because I really want you to hear the details about this film, how and why it was made, and more about the lead actor from Tyler and John themselves. So with that, welcome Tyler and John to the podcast. Welcome Tyler and John to the podcast. I am thrilled to have you here.
Thank you for having us. Okay. So I have so many questions, but before I get to that, I just wanna say, when your PR team reached out to me with a movie about autism, I did what I usually do when people tell me about the new movie or the new TV show about autism. I kind of brace myself, like, “Oh,” like, what’s the– w- what is it gonna be this time?
Is it going to be, like, the genius who’s socially awkward but lovable, or the, you know, just, like, the really charming stories? And so I pushed play, and in 15 seconds I was bawling my eyes out. Yeah. And I am not joking. Like, it hit me where I live on so many levels. And when you said, “I don’t want my son to live in an institution,” I just, like, crumbled because- Mm
I am living that story or a similar story now. I have been, and it really resonated with me, and I was just, like, so happy and wanted to say thank you for telling this story. I think it’s really important. And so that’s where I wanna start is how and why. Well, not, not how, because I wanna talk about the how separately.
Why? Why this story? Why talk about autism at all? Yeah, I’ll start that one, then I’ll throw it to John for whenever he got on, uh, on board. So if you’ve, if you’ve ever made, like, any movie that’s, uh, even remotely been, like, a modicum of success, uh, people will send you scripts nonstop. So, uh, that fortunately our, our last film had, um, a fair level of success, specifically in, in the independent space.
And so we, we get five, six scripts sent to us a week that are usually just cold emails. And a guy that reads those scripts is named Mark. Uh, Mark has a daughter named Julianne that’s around my age, um, that is profoundly autistic. And so he reads the first 10 pages of this script, and he, he can’t put it down ’cause it’s telling- Yeah
his story. Uh, and so Mark calls me as soon as he gets done reading it and says, “Hey, uh, I need you to, uh, read this.” And so as soon as he said that, I was like, “I’m on board,” ’cause Mark’s the type of guy that if he asked me to do anything, I just do it. And I read it in one s- one sitting, fell in love with the idea, uh, specifically what we could do around it.
Um, most of the movies we make, we have some kind of cause or initiative that, like, s- is sparked by that. And so I read it. We met with the, the author a week later and purchased the script, like almost immediately. Um, but really it was, the precipice was he, he just happened to send it to a producer that has a profoundly autistic daughter that’s living this story, and the first person I thought of to play the lead role was my good friend John over there, and so I’ll let him tell that part.
Yeah. Yeah, um, well, Tyler I’ve worked with, uh, we’d worked with a few times prior, and, uh, always, and we have a great working relationship, and we’re good friends. But, uh, he’s, he’s one of those guys that, uh, he asks me to do anything, and I’m gonna say yes. But he, the thing he, he pitched, you know, the idea, well, it is, it is a father-son autism, um, film, and, uh, I am, I am a father with an autistic son.
Yeah. So immediately I felt a lot of the same apprehension that, that you mentioned when someone sends you an autism movie be- because- Mm-hmm … uh, you know, we see how it’s so often portrayed in, in film and media. And it’s, a- and it can, it can get a little frustrating, but I sat down and I read it, and I immediately called to…
I mean, I read it in one sitting, just burned through it, and, uh, I, I called Tyler, and I was trying not to sound like I was crying when, uh- Yeah. … when I made the call, but I, I don’t think I did a good job of hiding it. Uh, it just, it, uh, the honesty of it hit me very, very firmly, and it was just something I, I just, I had to do.
I mean, I just… That was like, it just kind of possessed me. Like I, I, this is, I just had tunnel vision on that script- Yeah … for so long. I, I, it just, it, it resonated so personally and deeply with me. Uh, and there are so many similar parallels to what I’ve been through with my own son, while still being wildly different.
Like- Yeah … the characters are, are very, very different from myself and from my son, but, but there are so many threads that, that, uh, run so, so parallel to, to our own journey of, of trying to, trying to connect. So, um, yeah, just what a, what a privilege it was to, to have been a part of it and to be able to help tell the story.
Uh, I really feel, um, honored to have had that opportunity, and I, I just, I really, really hope that it did some justice to it. I feel, I feel pretty good about it. Oh, I, I mean, yeah, you had me at institution. Yay. Yeah. A- and I like, it’s– I mean, obviously you are a great actor, but knowing- Thank you … that you have a child with autism, like it just brings this, you can just feel it more.
You can see like the dad’s eyes darting around, and you can sense that panic that we all know, and that like wanting to do something beautiful for your child, and at the same time, I wanna say putting them at risk, but kind of putting, you know, putting things at risk, like really taking a gamble. And- Mm … I have a story like that with my son that’s so similar, and so it just, it really did resonate with me, and I think that you absolutely did the, did it justice.
Thank you. And I want to get to more about the parallels and like where it differs. But first, Tyler, I really wanna talk to you about how you went about creating this movie and creating such an authentic feeling exper- th- of, on such an authentic feeling experience. Yeah. Well, I’ll s- I’ll start here. So there’s, um…
My, my wife and I, we, we adopted our daughter, um, when she was 17 years old. So I, I’m only nine years older than my daughter. It’s a very strange, unique story. I was a grandpa at 29. And every movie that I have ever seen about found families, whether that’s through foster care or adoption, it does not even hit the surface of how hard that is, specifically with teenagers.
Usually it’s like a two-hour runtime, and then by hour number one, when it’s, when the middle of the movie’s finished, they might have done something a little bit bad, and then everything’s kinda wrapped up in a bow by the end of it, and everyone lives happily ever after. And, um, that’s not how it works. And so, uh, when I took on this project, I did not wanna make that version of an autism film in the same way that I wouldn’t wanna see a foster care film through the lens of, of a, uh, like rose-colored glasses.
Uh, so I- Yeah … I knew I had to be very delicate With the subject matter and also, um, not do any of the, like, typical faith-based movie cliches, um, that, that happen at the end of films. So we had multiple people with either kids on the spectrum or people on the spectrum themselves on set. So one of them being John.
Uh, Mark, who I mentioned earlier. The writer, Jeff, was on set, uh, quite a bit, so we could ask him questions. Our assistant director, Megan, is on the spectrum and also has ADHD, which is a whole other, uh, animal when you combine those things. And so we had a lot of, uh, different perspectives and varying levels of people on the spectrum, like, on set with us.
Uh, but we also interviewed about 100 families that are going through this on varying levels. And some of the things that I learned were just, just eye-opening. I share this on most of the interviews that, uh, that I do because it was so profound for me. But one parent said that they pray every day that their kid will die before them.
And no matter how many times I say that out loud, it still gives me cold chills and still kinda just breaks my heart, uh, when you realize that they don’t have a clue what’s gonna happen to their son once, uh, once they’re gone. And so no parent should ever have to pray that. No parent should ever have to feel that isolated, and I wanted to learn as much as possible so that I could be prepared to handle this with as much care as it deserves.
Yeah, that’s, that’s remarkable. I’m curious, did you find any other sort of trends that stood out to you? It– the thing that probably stood out the, the most that I, I just wasn’t aware of, ’cause, uh, unless you know it, you don’t know it, uh, is how, how, just how varying the spectrum is. Uh, so you can have people that are, um, on the autism spectrum, like our assistant director, Megan, who can mask it exceptionally well.
Like, just talking to her, unless you know her well, you, you wouldn’t fully recognize she’s on the spectrum ’cause she can hide it so well. Uh, but then you have, like, the opposite extreme, like the parents I was just talking about, where the kid’s been in an institution since he was 17 years old. Um, and so learning all those various degrees of the spectrum was very eye-opening for me, and honestly gave me a lot more compassion for and empathy for people.
Yeah, I mean, I have to say as a parent of a child with autism, that’s been one of the, one of the– we have to talk about learning you. That’s one of the been, one of the biggest challenges for me because my son, like– and John, I wanna hear about your son. He doesn’t– no one, no one fits in these boxes that we’re told, or when we’re told to think about the spectrum and how it’s described.
And so it, you know, people will be like, “Well, he’s high functioning because he’s talking.” And I’m like, “Hmm, give it a minute,” right? Yeah. It depends, right? Like, there’s a lot of, there’s a lot of nuance and variance. And, like, even as a parent, it’s, like, hard to figure that out. Like, oh, you can deal with this, but this throws you off.
Like, that doesn’t make sense to me, but that’s me not understanding his brain, right? Because it does make sense to him for whatever reason. And so I just– that’s why another reason, like, I just love that you’re telling this story. Yeah. And, like, the title, uh, was not the original title. The original title was Merry Christmas, Elijah.
The film is a Christmas movie in the same sense as maybe, like, Die Hard is. It just happens to take place at Christmas. Um, so we changed- Yeah … the title specifically because we didn’t want the Christmas market. But that Learning You title is so impactful, whether you’re, uh, a parent of someone on the spectrum or not, because the moment we stop trying to learn one another is the moment that relationships start to die and we start resenting people.
And that was another lesson that I learned by interviewing these parents is we can write any story we want in our heads, and our brains are trained to believe whatever story we write. And so if we stop learning the other person, we’re just by default, uh, making up a story and believing it’s true. Uh, and so- Yeah
uh, whether you’re on the spectrum or not, uh, we all need to strive to learn one another in a better way, I think. Yeah, that’s so well put. So, so John, um, could you share a little bit about your son or just, like, the differences and the similarities between Elijah in the movie and your son, and how he resonated a lot with you, but they’re also very different?
Yeah, no, um, that was one… When I first read the script, that was one of the things that struck me. So it- there is- there were so many similarities to my son in his behaviors and mannerisms that are s- talked about in the script, and even some of the speech patterns were, were so on point with how my son spoke at the time, um, almost eerily so.
Mm-hmm. And in the sc- in the script originally, he was, he was a younger boy, so he was, he was kind of around my son’s age, so it was just scary, but Yeah … but yeah, he’s, my, my son, he’s, he’s 10 years old. He just turned 10, and he’s really, really blossomed just over this last, like, two years. Uh, like I said, when I read the script, the speech patterns were very similar, but, um, my son’s speech has really, really taken off this last year.
He’s still what would be considered, uh, delayed compared to- Mm-hmm … what, uh, to someone else in, you know, the, the 10-year-old age range. Biologically- Right. Yeah … yes, developmentally not. Yeah. Yes, yes. So, um, so but he’s, he’s super, super social. He lo- he doesn’t know a stranger. He talks to everyone at great lengths.
He will ask you a million questions about yourself when he meets you. And he will tell you a million things about himself, uh, about how much he loves SpongeBob. He will absolutely let you know that. That’ll be one of the first things. But he’s, he is… Again, you know, you were talking about the nuance, nuances a- and the, the varying degree of, uh, the spectrum.
There are some things that, uh, are very stereotypical autistic with my son. Um, you know, the, he doesn’t like eye contact. Uh, he, he stims. Mm-hmm. He does a lot of hand flapping when he gets excited or gets nervous. Uh, but he’s, he’s very, very affectionate, and he’s very… He loves people, and he, he loves to engage people, and I mean, he, he just, he thrives on it, and it excites him.
But also, and people will meet him, and they’ll see how social he is and be like, “Oh, well, he’s great. I mean, you can, you know, he, he, he doesn’t, he doesn’t seem autistic.” Uh, but then, you know, it, and then you see him shut down, and when he shuts down, he’s, he shuts down. He’s just- Forward focused. It’s hard to get, hard to get him to register, to get him- Mm
to, to even notice you. Uh, you know, it’s just, it’s, it’s those varying degrees and, and that’s one thing that I’ve had to really learn. And learning him is find those cues and find, find those, um, little subtle things that he does when I can tell that he starts to get overstimulated or he’s starting to shut down or he needs to be pulled out of a situation.
It’s just- Mm … something ’cause, ’cause he won’t let you know when something is too much or when he’s getting overstimulated. He just- Right … he, he has a hard time expressing his needs and… But, you know, over time, I’ve, I’ve been able to kinda see those little subtle things in his behaviors and like, oh, he’s, he’s…
And my friends will be like, “Well, he’s still, he’s doing great. He’s doing fine.” I’m like, “Yeah, but he, I can tell he’s, he’s inching into the yellow before he reaches the red. I’ve gotta get him out of this situation bef- before he gets there.” Because once he gets there, it’s really hard to pull him out. Um- Yeah
and I think that type of relationship, that, that process of learning and looking for those cues and fi- figuring out what drives him into that, that type of stimulus is I see a lot of that in the script and in the relationship between the father and the son because the, the son has a lot of, a lot of meltdowns and a lot of…
He goes into the red a lot, and you– I can see the father trying to figure out What happened? How did he get there? How do I get him out? And he’s struggling to learn him, and he, he doesn’t know these things yet. And it’s, those are the things that, that, uh, that the father has to learn. Yeah. It’s just so remarkable because it’s like a slight shift in the wind.
Like, we live in such a delicate ecosystem with our children. And I remember times where, yeah, friends have been like, “Oh, it’s okay. We, we can wait. We can do five more minutes.” Yeah. And I, and I’m like, “Okay,” ’cause, you know, we’re with a group of people, and then boom. Yeah. You know? And I’ve, and then, you know, and I’ve had fri- My, it was one situation, my friend was like, “You were right.
Like, you knew.” And I’m like, “Yeah, he, he was done, and I pushed it over just hoping.” Mm. And sure enough, right? Like, he went to red, and it was really hard- Yeah … to bring him down. Yeah. So- Yeah. Once, once they reach that, you know, once you get to that point, it’s, uh, of that, that overload, it’s, it’s, it’s so hard to come out of it, uh, to come out of that cloud and chaos.
It’s, um, it’s so much easier, I’ve found, to just prevent it, be preventative. Uh, look for the- Yeah … cues of, of you’re getting, teetering into that brink, and pull back and say, “Let’s, let’s, uh, let’s pull away and, and find a little solace before we get there.” And then we can, then after we have some time there, then we can go back in, you know?
Right. Just from the trailer, there was a lot of different layers going on in this movie, and the one thing that I noticed that there, is dad a single dad? Is this a divorce situation? Yeah, it’s a divorce situation. Yeah. At, at the beginning of the film you’ll see that. It starts, uh, seven years before, uh, the events of the movie.
So there’s like a, um, flashback at the beginning, and then we zoom forward seven years. But, uh, he’s married at the beginning, and then it’s revealed that the mom specifically, uh, couldn’t handle the institution of, uh, their son, and it resulted in, like many of the families that I interviewed, um, a, a broken marriage there.
And so mom didn’t want child in the institution or put child in the institution? Mom wanted the kid in the institution, dad didn’t, in this specific story. But from all the people I talked to, it’s really varied. Uh, there wasn’t really a pattern. It could’ve been either or both. There’s no right answer and sometimes you’re just trying to do the best that you can to keep your child safe.
Yeah. And it’s so– I mean, th- that’s what I’m saying, is just in that several seconds, there’s so much complexity that I really believe that when autism parents see this, they’re going to feel so seen, which is amazing. Yeah. Because I don’t think that happens quite enough at all, and I think that sometimes in these movies or these shows that are out, they’re lovely.
Like, Love on the Spectrum is lovely, but then everybody who comes up to you is like, “Oh, well I saw you in Love on the Spectrum,” and, you know- Mm-hmm … you know, and it’s like, okay. It, it’s like not a one-note sort of thing, and I– and so I- that’s, that can be really frustrat- frustrating as a parent. Um- Yeah … John, I am wondering, because of your child being really pro-social and talkative, if it, if you found it harder to get services for him or proper care and attention because people didn’t see it or they didn’t think, I guess, he needed it as much.
Yeah. Well, I mean, it– I run into a, a lot of complex situations with that because… And also he’s, he’s also very tall for his age, so he looks older than he is. So it– there’s always a lot of assumptions made about him that I deal with. But yeah, there, there have definitely been some instances where he’s, performance-wise, you know, he’s, he seems like he’s perfectly capable of, of leading a normal life.
But, you know, you only see these tiny snippets of, uh, of a person, you know, when you meet them. And, and he is such- Uh, such a full color palette. Yeah, and on your point of learning you, like I felt like with my son, I got into like a great groove, like around 10. Like, there was like an explosion of maturity that happens, which is like a factor you can’t really, like un- like you just…
It’s just amazing, like how it can kinda just come in and all of a sudden things that were really hard become easier, and it’s just like a wonderful thing. And although everything was more and everything was harder, I got used to it. And then hormones kicked in, and so again, like learning you. Like now it’s like this other evolution of your child, and then you thinking about the comorbidities that come in and how they mix.
Yeah. And so I had gotten used to my child and the autism perseverations in one way, and then when OCD came, it was like the way to handle that was the exact opposite, right? And so there’s just, there’s just… It’s, it’s just such a complex, you know, life I think that we live, and- It is, and it’s- it’s so ever-changing, and you can never really, you n- you can never really settle into it.
It’s, uh- Yeah … but I mean, uh, that’s- that’s parenthood in general, I think. But just even a little bit more transcendent in that way with, with the autism factor worked in because it’s… You don’t- it’s so hard to predict where they’re gonna be or- or, you know, what they’ll be capable of in a few years. Yeah.
You know? There was a, there was a period of time we thought my son was gonna be completely non-verbal for life. Mm-hmm. Yep. Um, and we were told he would probably be non-verbal for life, and he didn’t stop talking. So you know, you just, you don’t know. I feel that. You just don’t know, you know? It’s, it- there’s so much uncertainty, and it’s, it’s difficult to plan for the future.
But, um- Which, you know, there’s like a lot of grief and complexity in that. And- I felt like the little that I did see of the movie, it touched on some of that complexity I think it does. I think the movie does a really good job. It hits on a lot of notes that I think we, we all kinda walk in the journey.
There’s a lot of moments that, that, um, I mean, kinda like the boardroom scene that you were, uh, that you were, uh, referenced earlier about- Mm-hmm … um, where he talks about, you know, the son being in s- the institution. I think all of us have been at some point in a room with a bunch of people that are supposed to be there to help, but just seem so disconnected and insincere, and the frustration that we deal with as parents that just trying to f- figure out what to do, and these are the people that are supposed to be helping.
These are supposed to be the authorities on this matter, and that you’re just… Y- there’s just nothing. There’s just no real connection there, and no real help, and no real empathy sometimes. And that it’s such, uh, an infuriating frustration, and I know we’ve all been there to some degree, probably, if you’re like me, m- many, many, many situations like that.
Right. Uh, and just having those moments on screen I think was, was a really powerful thing, and it, it hits a lot of those kind of points in the journey that, that we’ve all kind of experienced. You know, the, the meltdowns in the car and, and, uh, y- you know, the moments where the, the, where maybe they, uh, they disappear for a moment and all of the worst-case scenarios run through your head, and you’ve, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. It’s, yeah. So it, I think this, this, the script did a great job in finding a lot of those kind of relatable moments and, uh, and bringing them to life What was your favorite part about playing this character? Oh, I loved… There, there’s so many moments in this movie where I got to say things that I’ve just always kind of ached to say, um- Mm
about, about this life, and about my son, and about our relationship, and what I want people to hear, and what I want people to understand. And having, uh, an opportunity to actually say that where people can hear it is an incredible gift. So I loved that. Yeah. That was, that was such a joy and, um, cathartic.
Uh- Sure. Just the, the- Can you share some of those… Can you share, like, what was, like, the top one or two things that you just like, “Ah, loved to be able to say that on a plat- and have a platform for it.” Yeah, well, there’s, there’s a moment, and I, I even kind of improved it, and, you know, Tyler and I talked about it beforehand.
Just, you know, because the, the movie is, does seem, at surface level, a lot about how hard it is for, for the caregivers and how hard it is for the parents. But, uh, and I think that’s something that we focused on a lot because it’s the most relatable for all of us neurotypical people, is how hard it is- Mm
to live with that autistic kid that’s so frustrating and difficult and trying. But one thing I’ve had to do as a father that’s helped me relate and connect so much better is to stop focusing so much on that and to think about, “If this, if this is difficult for me, for the caregiver, for the parent, my God, think about what he’s going through.”
Mm. “Think about what’s happening with him internally.” And if we could just pull ourselves out of ourselves for a second and consider, if this is so hard for us to, to control and to try to manage, think about the position that the child is in or, and just what they’re dealing with. And, and if they’re lashing out this badly and this out of control, then what’s happening in here?
How nightmarish can that be to bring them to such a point? And to just stop caring so much about, about how difficult it is for us, and think about how difficult it is for them, and then suddenly we can be the calm in their chaos and- Be much more constructive in making things right. There, there’s, that, that gets touched on, on a couple times, and having the opportunity to say that out loud was really important to me.
And then there’s, there’s- And- … other little things, but that, that was a big one. I, I remember something you said about, you know, how am I supposed to help my child when his nervous system is on fire? Yeah. And- That was another- … I was like- That was another kind of- I was like, oh, wow, you nailed it … improv little moment, yeah.
That, that- Yeah. I was like, oh, wow, he just- Yeah … yeah, he nailed it. And that was, during that time, when we shot that scene, which was a pickup that came later, uh, I was dealing with some stuff with my son at his school. He was having meltdowns at school. He had just transitioned. They had pulled him out of an, an, an, an autistic, all-autistic school, and he had been, he kind of graduated out of that, and they put him into a normal elementary school, and the transition was not going well, and the, the teachers and the staff were just having…
Uh, I don’t think they were well prepared. I don’t know how- Mm … well trained, or supposedly they were trained. I don’t know. It was, it was- Right … we won’t get into it. But- Yeah, yeah. But th- there was definitely a disconnect there. There, there was a lot of, I don’t think they really understood what he was going through, and I just wanted, I, I don’t, this is not a behavioral thing.
The poor kid’s nervous system is on fire, and we’re putting him in a situation where he’s surrounded by so many kids and so many sounds and so much stimulus for such a long time, and it’s neurologically, this poor kid is suffering, literally suffering in these moments, and it’s not because he’s not getting his way, or it’s, it’s because- Yeah
he is in turmoil. And, uh, that’s a difficult thing, I think, for a lot of people who don’t live in this lifestyle, and they’re not subjected to it a lot. It’s a really difficult thing to… It seems abstract to, I think, to people who aren’t around it regularly. Ab- you know, absolutely. And I, I mean, I really struggled with that with my son, and a lot of parents do because a lot of our kids- disability, their issues show up as behaviors.
And when we see a behavior, we automatically categorize it, like, just as humans. Like, we do that- Yes … right? We don’t ask any questions. Like, Brad- It’s what we’re used to … you know? Right. Yeah. And so I get how that could be confusing, and it’s really hard to explain, which is pretty much why I just stopped trying to explain it.
But, you know, I, and I, but, like, I see that with, like, so many moms that I meet, where their child is having a behavior, and they’re getting the calls from the school, and they’re like, “Oh my God, they’re judging me. They’re- they think I’m a bad parent. They don’t think I’m doing enough.” They, and, and sometimes they- Oh, yeah
share that with you, right? Yes. They share, well, you- Oh … right? It’s infuriating, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so, like, that is just, you know, so- I was- … unique … in that, in that same situation that I was talking about when we, when we shot that scene, and I, and I got to kind of get that out in that scene. You know, my, my son was having these moments at school, and I’m like, “Look, he’s- he doesn’t do this at…
This is an at school home. This is an at school thing, event. This doesn’t happen at home.” Mm-hmm. “So it’s something that’s h- taking place at school only.” And they’re like- Yeah … “Well, are you just letting him do whatever he wants at home?” And- Yep. Yep … it’s, that’s not- Yeah … No. My son is so- He’s- My son is so good.
I can tell him to go, whatever he’s doing, I can just tell him to go clean his room. He will put down his video game one time- … and just go clean his room. Yeah. I, I can’t get my 16-year-old daughter to do that. But he’s so well-behaved, and he has structure at home, and he has chores that he does, and, I mean, he does them to the letter.
I, and to have the, the school say, “Well, um, maybe he’s just not disciplined at home,” man. Yeah. Right. Exactly. And I, you know, and I’m just like, there’s, yeah, there’s so much judgment, and there’s so much, “If it were my kid,” and people thinking they know how they would react in a situation. And it’s like, yeah- Yeah
maybe in one situation you would do that, but live it. Exactly. Right? Yeah. Live it- You don’t … and learn it, understand it. You have no idea. It’s again why I love the idea in this movie where the dad is like, “I’m gonna muscle through this.” Right? “I’m just gonna take him- Yeah … in the car. We’re gonna do it.” And then seeing you have to be like, “Oh.
Okay.” For sure. Right? Like, you know, having to walk that back a little bit. And again, like, learning the child, I just- I, the only thing that really makes me upset about this movie is that I’ve looked and I’m willing to drive and it’s not near me. So what can we do to get this to the tri-state area of like Connecticut, New York, New Jersey?
I would love to see this movie. Yeah. So we are not a studio project, um, by any stretch of the imagination. If you guys saw where we shot this, uh, it’s the most makeshift backwoods movie studio of all time. So it’s really hard to get- It looks amazing. Thank you. It’s not, not our first movie, so that, it, that helps.
But, uh, yeah, it’s always hard for independent films to, um, have a wide theatrical release. It just is what it is. Uh, we’ll, we’ll get– we’re the first to get bumped whenever the next Avatar or Wicked or whatever comes out. And so the best thing you can do is call up your local theaters. Um, if it does well in week one, uh, we’re in like 100-ish theaters in week one across the United States.
So if it, if it does really well in week one, it’ll be a lot easier for doors to open, uh, on that second week. Yeah. But yeah, y-your listeners can, uh, they definitely call their local theaters, email them and just say, “Hey, we, we’ve got people that wanna, wanna see this movie. What can you do to make it happen?”
Yeah, that’s great. And for, you know, all the amazing autism parents who’ve like created organizations and, and you know, SEPTAs and things like that, like you could do maybe, you know, bulk, right, screenings and things like that, like just to get people out, that would be amazing. After it does its theater run, where could people find it?
Yeah, it’ll be out on streaming. We have a few streaming platforms that are kind of seeing which would be the best fit right now. Uh, so we’ve got multiple options, which is always a good thing. Yeah. So I don’t– I can’t tell you exactly where it will be for subscription streaming, so things like Netflix, Hulu, Peacock, that kind of stuff.
Uh, but it will be on Amazon Prime, Apple, and that kind of thing where you can rent it or, uh, purchase it, uh, really short after the release. And I’m just gonna say this, it might not happen or it may happen, but it seems like it’s gonna happen right now, but it likely will be in Walmart on DVD across the country as well, so.
Fantastic. Okay. That is awesome. Awesome. And um, another thing about this project and the work that you’re doing in this autism community, do you wanna share about the proceeds? Sure. Yeah, so this is the second movie in a row that we’ve done this, but, uh, we’re committed to giving 100% of our profit, so the, um…
after all the fees and stuff are taken out of, for theaters and everything, away to an organization we started called ACT. Uh, it stands for Awareness, Connection, and Touch, and it’s really geared towards just loving on the parents and caregivers of the autism community. Yeah. There’s a lot of resources for kids, and there should be, but there’s not that many resources for parents.
Uh, and so we are working with organizations to train up volunteers to do respite care, uh, so parents can do things like go to the grocery store. Um- Yeah … we’re, we’re doing in-person date nights. Uh, we started an online community where, uh, they can be in this group together and kind of just share life, uh, together.
Uh, we’re also doing red carpet events all over the United States in about 15 cities, uh, where the parents and kids can walk the red carpet, and they’re like the stars of the evening. And then they all watch the movie together, which is super exciting. Um, but we’re trying to use those as kickstarts- So cool
for chapters of ACT all across the country. So- Yeah … uh, more, more to come on that, but we’re really excited about it. That’s so re- it’s really fantastic. And just to have come- to be able to come to, like, a non-judgmental place- Mm … where you can get that care and the respite is so, so important. All right. So the floor is yours.
What have we not said? What do you want to say? What do you want people to know about this movie, why they should see it? Anything. There’s a talking polar bear in this film, so- … uh, that, that right there is reason enough to go see it. Is his name Ted? It’s not, but as authentic and realistic as we tried to make this, there is a six-foot plus gigantic mascot polar bear that talks the whole time.
We, we knew that the film had to be, have… had to have a little bit of levity. Yeah. We could not just make it completely dark and depressing the entire time. And so, uh, Elijah, the boy in the film, he carries around a polar bear, much like the real-life Elijah that the film is based on. He also carries around a stuffed polar bear.
Uh, and so we decided to make the polar bear come to life, but only the dad can see him, and he’s kind of the negative conscience of the dad. So he’s like a Jiminy Cricket kind of character. If Jiminy Cricket was six foot three and a former professional wrestler, uh- … then that would be it. But, uh, he provides a lot of levity and also a lot of, like, profound moments where he’s the, kind of the negative voice of reason for the dad, uh, in his struggle.
Wow. That’s– I lo- I love that. Yeah, just go see the movie, please. It was made by a lot of great people who, um, who care a very, very great deal about the material and, and about the community So please, especially if you have someone in your life who’s on the spectrum or if you’re on the spectrum yourself, I, I hope you check it out and I, I hope you find something in it to make you feel like there’s more of us out there and that you’re- we’re all sort of a part of, uh, a part of a little family.
Well, thank you so much for being here. I will share this far and wide. I’ve already told everyone I connect with, like, about this movie- … and I sent them the link, and I am just so excited for this to come out and for there to be another story out there to encourage more stories like this and just more people feeling seen.
You know, both us as the caregivers, but our children as well. Exactly. All right. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for having us. Thanks for listening to The Autism Mom Coach. If you are ready to apply the principles you are learning in these episodes to your life, it is time to schedule a consultation call with me.
Podcasts are great, but the ahas are fleeting. Real change comes from application and implementation, and this is exactly what we do in my one-on-one coaching program. To schedule your consultation, go to my website, theautismmomcoach.com/work-with-me, and take the first step to taking better care of yourself so that you can show up as the parent you want to be for your child with autism.
