Keep It Real

Keep It Real

The first step in the “before” pillar is to accept reality, why it is important, and why resisting reality causes our suffering.

Why accept reality?

Rejecting it doesn’t change it.

Pain can’t be avoided.

We can’t change reality until we accept it.

Pushing against reality feels suffocating, like I’m in a pressure cooker. If you let the circumstance be without resisting it, the pressure subsides and you’ll feel calmer, more present, and more able to handle the situation.

Our power lies in how we choose to react. We can’t prevent pain, but we can choose how we react to it.

If you would like to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can work together to get there, Contact Us.

Music credit: Bouncin’ Back by Reaktor Productions

A https://www.angiemjordan.com/podcast-launch-bestie (Podcast Launch Bestie) production

Keep It Real

Check What’s Triggered

In order to be the solid object, we need to be aware of our emotional vulnerabilities. What causes us to melt down? I’m going to talk about triggers in a different way than you’re probably used to. What is commonly referred to as a “trigger” is usually just a circumstance, a neutral event. With the exception of a PTSD response, circumstances don’t cause emotions. What does cause the emotional response is the thought that happens after the circumstance.

We have control over our thoughts. In order to reprogram your thoughts, first think of a couple of your most common triggers. What thoughts surface? What might also be true? What do you want to think about that circumstance? Notice your patterns and create new ones. It is possible, but it takes time and practice.

If you would like to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can work together to get there, Contact Us.

Music credit: Bouncin’ Back by Reaktor Productions

A https://www.angiemjordan.com/podcast-launch-bestie (Podcast Launch Bestie) production

Keep It Real

Ready Your Response

As humans, we are programmed to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and be as efficient as possible in doing so. How we feel, how we want to feel, and how we want to avoid feeling drives all of our actions.

In the last episode, we started with what we want to think about a circumstance and the feeling that results. We can also do that in reverse – decide how we want to feel, then determine what we need to think in order to create that feeling.

Picture the situation as clearly as possible, with all the details. Imagine it as vividly as possible. What is happening around you? What is happening inside of you? Rehearse in your mind what it would be like to be the solid object. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What do you do? What don’t you do? When you’re done, practice relaxing. Keep doing this on a regular schedule to form the new neural pathways for responding and not reacting to triggers.

If you would like to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can work together to get there, Contact Us.

Music credit: Bouncin’ Back by Reaktor Productions

A https://www.angiemjordan.com/podcast-launch-bestie (Podcast Launch Bestie) production

Keep It Real

Drop Your Agenda

Now that we’ve completed the “Before” pillar of my process, we’ll discuss the “During” pillar. The 3 elements of this pillar are:

Take a beat

Drop your agenda

Handle with care

All of our power lies in our ability to choose how we respond to circumstances in our lives. First, we need to slow down. Take some deep breaths, take a break. Drop the idea of what you had planned and drop into what is actually happening, then make the next right decision.

If you would like to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can work together to get there, Contact Us.

Music credit: Bouncin’ Back by Reaktor Productions

A https://www.angiemjordan.com/podcast-launch-bestie (Podcast Launch Bestie) production

Keep It Real

Shake It Off

Now it’s time to talk about the “After” pillar, the first element of which is the completion of the stress response cycle. In this cycle, first is the circumstance, or the trigger. Information enters our brains through our senses, and then we make an internal assessment of whether we are safe or not. From there, a physiological stress response is triggered throughout the body.

In nature, animals literally shake off the stress from their bodies afterward. In modern stressors, we often instead wait for the next stressor. We don’t complete the stress cycle and the response is in chronic activation. As a result, there are serious physical, mental, and emotional consequences including heart disease, digestion problems, anxiety, and depression, just to name a few.

I’m not trying to scare you into taking care of yourself. Just remember, that doing one little thing is much better than doing nothing. Here are some evidence-based strategies to try:

Physical activity

Deep breathing

Laughing

Crying

Physical affection

Creativity

The book I’m referencing here is:

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

If you would like to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can work together to get there, Contact Us.

Music credit: Bouncin’ Back by Reaktor Productions

A https://www.angiemjordan.com/podcast-launch-bestie (Podcast Launch Bestie) production

Keep It Real

Review, Renew, and Give Yourself A Hand

Humans have a natural negativity bias from ancient times. It was an evolutionary necessity to notice and avoid danger. Therefore, we need to be very deliberate in noticing what went well.

If it helps you to journal, try “I am most proud of my child for doing, or not doing, __” What about you? Did you stay calmer? Did you skip the guilt this time? There’s always a bright spot.

Once you are able to take a balanced look at what went well, you’re better able to decide what worked and what you want to do differently next time. Don’t be afraid to find some humor in the situation.

Giving yourself a hand means to offer yourself the same support that you would offer another mother in your situation.

Rule 1: Stop talking shit about yourself to yourself.

Rule 2: Treat yourself with the kindness you would give an internet stranger.

Rule 3: Treat yourself with the kindness you would treat your best friend.

If you would like to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can work together to get there, Contact Us.

Music credit: Bouncin’ Back by Reaktor Productions

A https://www.angiemjordan.com/podcast-launch-bestie (Podcast Launch Bestie) production