Trailer: This Is NOT A Marathon

Trailer: This Is NOT A Marathon

Welcome to Be the Solid Object. I am your host Lisa Candera. I am a single mother of a teen with autism, life coach and a lawyer, and I am on a mission to teach mothers that you have more power than you think.

Autism is not in charge of your life, you are, and I want to show you how. But before we get to the how, I want to tell you why this is important.

You are your child’s greatest resource. No XYX is more important than you. You are in this for the long haul. You see that this world was not made for our kids and you want to change that. And you will.

As long as you don’t burn out along the way.

Because, guess what, this is not a marathon.

Marathons have maps. One route that everyone takes. First aid stations. Water stations.

There are no maps, we create them. There is no one size fits all route. The route that works for my child, won’t for yours. The route that works for my child this week, may not work next week. There are no breaks or refueling stations. We create our own.

This is not a marathon.

It does not end when they become adults and fall off of the services cliff.

This is because the world has not yet made room for our kids.

So we are going to do it.

Each and every one of us.

And to do this, we need to take care of ourselves. We need to step into our own power.

 

Before I found life coaching, I thought I was plenty powerful. I am not shy, I spoke up at IEP meetings, I advocated like a mother. But while I was fighting for my son, I was also fighting myself.

I spent most of my time feeling guilty for his struggles and I blamed myself for not doing enough.

In my mind, if I was truly doing everything I could, he would not be struggling as much or in the ways he was struggling.

I’m here to tell you that I was wrong and so are you.

Our kids struggle and that is the reality.

Trying to control autism, blaming ourselves and neglecting our own mental, emotional and physical well being is not helping us.

Just the opposite: it erodes our self confidence and undermines our ability to make decisions.

It leaves us feeling exhausted, defeated, and burnt out.

We are kicking our own asses and it needs to stop.

Enter: the SO.

In this podcast I will teach you what it means to be the solid object and why it’s essential to navigating the challenges of special needs parenting. And, great news, the benefits of BTSO extend far beyond managing everyday tantrums and meltdowns.

The ability to accept reality, manage our minds and emotionally regulate ourselves enables us to show up as the powerful women we are in all areas of our lives.

It enables us to march forward, be the change, and create the world we want for ourselves and our kids.

During Season 1 of BTSO, I am going to share with you my Before/During /After process for keeping your cool while your child is melting down. In each episode, I will share tools, strategies or exercises that you can incorporate into your life NOW for managing your mind, regulating your emotions and soothing yourself.

At the end of each episode, I will invite you to do three things:

Join me in my mission of showing other mothers raising kids with autism that they have more power than they think my sharing this podcast with them, rating and reviewing it, Follow me on Insta, or Schedule a consultation.

Finally, I created this podcast with busy moms in mind so the episodes are short and sweet and jam packed with valuable information.

You can listen to them over the week or binge them Netflix style.

So, Decide on purpose that investing time in your own well being is a priority, pop in your ear buds, and take your first steps towards BTSO.

Let’s get started.

Trailer: This Is NOT A Marathon

Being The Solid Object

No matter how much you love someone, there’s something very primal that happens inside of us when we feel threatened. That’s the fight, flight, or freeze response. When you’re spending all your energy trying to control your child’s emotions and actions, that probably leaves you drained, anxious, and impatient.

Imagine yourself as a solid object, like an oak tree with deep roots. How would that object react to a meltdown? Yell and scream? Probably not. That object wouldn’t take the meltdown personally. If you can be like that solid object, your child can use the support to regain their footing.

If you would like to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can work together to get there, Contact Us.

Music credit: Bouncin’ Back by Reaktor Productions

A https://www.angiemjordan.com/podcast-launch-bestie (Podcast Launch Bestie) production

Trailer: This Is NOT A Marathon

Martyr Mom to Empowered Woman

The “Martyr Mom” is the one who puts everyone and everything before herself in the name of being a good mom. But let’s be honest, we all have some of that in us, don’t we? That’s not a bad thing – we do want to support our kids in every way possible, but we don’t have to lose ourselves in the process.

The shift from martyr mom to empowered woman starts with deciding what being a good mom looks like to you, and letting go of the “shoulds” and unrealistic expectations that have been fed to us since birth.

What are your non-negotiables? What do you want more of? What do you want less of

If you would like to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can work together to get there, Contact Us.

Music credit: Bouncin’ Back by Reaktor Productions

A https://www.angiemjordan.com/podcast-launch-bestie (Podcast Launch Bestie) production

Trailer: This Is NOT A Marathon

The Real Autism War

When I was starting my one-on-one coaching work, an article came out that pitted autistic adults against parents of kids with autism. A lot of ugly things were said. But, of all the things I could imagine someone saying to me, it paled in comparison to what I was already saying to myself.

The real autism war is us against ourselves. We tend to get stuck in dead-end questions – negative questions that imply negative answers, and guess what our brains look for then?

Work to reframe your dead-end questions into powerful questions. Powerful questions put our brains to work on finding solutions and moving us forward.

If you would like to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can work together to get there, Contact Us.

Music credit: Bouncin’ Back by Reaktor Productions

A https://www.angiemjordan.com/podcast-launch-bestie (Podcast Launch Bestie) production

Trailer: This Is NOT A Marathon

You Found Your Tribe, Now What?

As humans, we need to feel like we belong. Support groups can provide connections with people who share your experiences, which is very needed and validating when most others just don’t understand what you’re going through.

But, it doesn’t matter how many people “get” you, because they’re not coming to rescue you. If you don’t offer yourself forgiveness and grace, you can’t accept it from others. It’s all you.

Something else that happens is that because our brains are looking for the negative, you will start to use these support groups against yourself – comparing and belittling yourself until you end up back where you started.

What’s the solution? Learning to manage your own mind, allow and process your feelings, and self-soothe. To be the parents our children need, we have to take care of ourselves.

If you would like to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can work together to get there, Contact Us.

Music credit: Bouncin’ Back by Reaktor Productions

A https://www.angiemjordan.com/podcast-launch-bestie (Podcast Launch Bestie) production

Trailer: This Is NOT A Marathon

Getting Grounded

After my son came back from hospitalization, I barely recognized him. He used every tool in his toolbox to get out of going to school. At the end of my rope, I called my childhood friend who was also a psychologist and worked with children with autism. She explained that he was using his behaviors to control his environment to get what he thought he needed, and I was his environment.

The solution was to be the solid object, steady in the storm, calm while he escalated. This work can’t happen during the conflict because our primitive lizard-brain will be in control. We have to begin the work before the trigger goes off, when the logical prefrontal cortex is online and we have access to our highest level of reasoning and problem solving.

After that, we work to stay present in the moment with yourself and your child. Actively accept what is happening, drop our agendas, and handle with care. Afterward, we ask what worked and what didn’t, and find compassion for ourselves.

If you would like to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can work together to get there, Contact Us.

Music credit: Bouncin’ Back by Reaktor Productions

A https://www.angiemjordan.com/podcast-launch-bestie (Podcast Launch Bestie) production